Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Growing Pains...

The one thing that I have promised on this blog is transparency.  I am FAR FAR from perfect.  I am human.  I struggle.  My hope in being willing to share MY struggles is that someone, somewhere will benefit from the lessons that I have a tendency to learn the hard way.  I am learning that "growing in Christ" and just plain growing up is NOT an easy thing.  (I have NO IDEA why I though it it would be.)

I have protested often that my inability to hold a grudge, easy going temperament, and "quick to forgive" attitude were NOT because I was a spiritual giant, but rather just a personality thing.  (And to be honest there WAS still some pride in the fact that I wasn't a "grudge holder.")   Recently, I have learned that it wasn't simply a personality thing.  I discovered that the reason I found it easy to forgive was because of my own warped view of myself.  When someone's behavior toward me was unkind or inappropriate, my immediate assumption was that it was "my fault" or I somehow deserved it.  I always found a way to excuse and take responsibility for the bad behavior of others by finding a way that it had to be my fault.

Recently, I have learned a lot about "boundaries" "guilt" and accepting responsibility that is not mine.  I have suddenly found that one of the results of refusing to take responsibility for the actions and decisions of others is that it is much more difficult to live my life by the pattern set before me in Ephesians 4:32.  "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

I suppose that this is just one more area where I shall have to learn to depend, not on myself, but on Christ who has promised:

1)  To perfect His good work in me (Phil 1:6)  
2) That I can do all things through HIM (Phil 4:13) 
3)  That His grace is sufficient, because His strength is made perfect in my weakness.  (2 Cor. 12:9)

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