If conflict arises between me and another I will follow these steps:
1). I will search my heart to see if the fault lies with me and if it does I will acknowledge my failure and apologize (Matthew 5:23-24)
2). If the fault does not lie with me I will no longer take ownership of the behavior of others. Their decisions/actions are not because I am a bad person, or because I deserve it. I will place ownership for that behavior back where it belongs.
3). While not taking responsibility for the behavior of others, I will continue to strive to live peaceably with all men (Romans 12:18) to be kind, tender hearted and forgiving (Ephesians 4:32) I will make every attempt to "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard others as more important than myself" (Philippians 23)
4). I will not allow others to rob me of my joy, but instead remember that my strength comes from HIM "The joy of the Lord is my strength" (Nehemiah 8:10) "Then you will find your joy in the LORD" (Isaiah 58:14) "The humble will be filled with fresh joy from the LORD. The poor will rejoice in the Holy One of Israel." (Isaiah 29:19)
It has taken me 37 years to stop believing that the blame for any conflict must be mine. I pray that with these added years, I will have the wisdom and humility to accept when the blame IS mine, and the fortitude to give it back when it is not.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Growing Pains...
The one thing that I have promised on this blog is transparency. I am FAR FAR from perfect. I am human. I struggle. My hope in being willing to share MY struggles is that someone, somewhere will benefit from the lessons that I have a tendency to learn the hard way. I am learning that "growing in Christ" and just plain growing up is NOT an easy thing. (I have NO IDEA why I though it it would be.)
I have protested often that my inability to hold a grudge, easy going temperament, and "quick to forgive" attitude were NOT because I was a spiritual giant, but rather just a personality thing. (And to be honest there WAS still some pride in the fact that I wasn't a "grudge holder.") Recently, I have learned that it wasn't simply a personality thing. I discovered that the reason I found it easy to forgive was because of my own warped view of myself. When someone's behavior toward me was unkind or inappropriate, my immediate assumption was that it was "my fault" or I somehow deserved it. I always found a way to excuse and take responsibility for the bad behavior of others by finding a way that it had to be my fault.
Recently, I have learned a lot about "boundaries" "guilt" and accepting responsibility that is not mine. I have suddenly found that one of the results of refusing to take responsibility for the actions and decisions of others is that it is much more difficult to live my life by the pattern set before me in Ephesians 4:32. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
I suppose that this is just one more area where I shall have to learn to depend, not on myself, but on Christ who has promised:
1) To perfect His good work in me (Phil 1:6)
2) That I can do all things through HIM (Phil 4:13)
3) That His grace is sufficient, because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)
I have protested often that my inability to hold a grudge, easy going temperament, and "quick to forgive" attitude were NOT because I was a spiritual giant, but rather just a personality thing. (And to be honest there WAS still some pride in the fact that I wasn't a "grudge holder.") Recently, I have learned that it wasn't simply a personality thing. I discovered that the reason I found it easy to forgive was because of my own warped view of myself. When someone's behavior toward me was unkind or inappropriate, my immediate assumption was that it was "my fault" or I somehow deserved it. I always found a way to excuse and take responsibility for the bad behavior of others by finding a way that it had to be my fault.
Recently, I have learned a lot about "boundaries" "guilt" and accepting responsibility that is not mine. I have suddenly found that one of the results of refusing to take responsibility for the actions and decisions of others is that it is much more difficult to live my life by the pattern set before me in Ephesians 4:32. "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."
I suppose that this is just one more area where I shall have to learn to depend, not on myself, but on Christ who has promised:
1) To perfect His good work in me (Phil 1:6)
2) That I can do all things through HIM (Phil 4:13)
3) That His grace is sufficient, because His strength is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Cor. 12:9)
Are You "Plugged In?"
I came home in the middle of the night, with my brain in a fog. I had attended the delivery of a beautiful baby girl, and now had just a few short hours to sleep before the responsibilities of a full and busy Monday were to begin. Walking in the door, I placed my iPad on the counter next to the charger, and headed over to let my dog out of his crate. After an exuberant greeting on his part, we headed outside for our walk.
When we came back in I hung my keys on their hook and glanced over at the iPad... Sure enough there it was on the counter with the cord extended from the socket to the iPad. We were good to go! I set the alarm and headed to bed.
It was a very short night for me, so I slept in as long as I was able then rushed through my morning routine to get out the door. Today I am in our satellite office, so the only access I have to all of my patient charts is via the iPad. As I grabbed it on my way out the door, my heart hit the floor. The cord, while it appeared from a distance to be plugged in, was just lying under the edge of the iPad. It wasn’t plugged in at all.
As I began my morning commute, I started thinking about what had just happened… and about my morning. My iPad which was supposed to “be there” for me, had failed. Why? Because I had failed to ensure that it was “plugged in” to its source of power.
What about me? Was I ready to serve today? In my tiredness and hurry I had neglected to start my day by turning to MY source of power. My job is not merely my job, it is my ministry. When I go about my day to day life, I am a representative of the KING! I am His ambassador. How do I find the strength and love to serve others? How do I find the patience, joy and peace to accurately represent my God and to show HIS unconditional love through my life? I do so by spending time in the Word, by getting “plugged in” to my source of strength or “power.”
I spent a good part of my commute meditating on the Word, and drawing from HIS power, begging God to give me strength to serve Him faithfully. At the end of my day, as I sat on the couch, catching up with some friends, and reviewing the events of the day, a message popped on my computer. I had been “tagged” on Facebook. Being the curious creature that I am, I meandered over to check it out. This is what I read. (With some personal stuff removed) “Had a good baby appointment today… My midwife always takes the time to answer my questions and concerns. She gives good, productive and meaningful insight. I can tell you, it’s drawn me closer to Him.”
That last sentence meant the WORLD to me. THAT is what my life, my job, my ‘ministry’ are all about. In MY weakness (and tiredness), HE was strong!
What about you? Are you “plugged in” to the ONE true source of strength? Have you met Him? It isn’t enough to be “near” Him… attending church without seeking a daily, intimate walk with Him is similar to the condition of my iPad this morning. It was close to the source of power. It even appeared to be “plugged in, but upon close observation, it was not connected to a power source.
“The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
When we came back in I hung my keys on their hook and glanced over at the iPad... Sure enough there it was on the counter with the cord extended from the socket to the iPad. We were good to go! I set the alarm and headed to bed.
It was a very short night for me, so I slept in as long as I was able then rushed through my morning routine to get out the door. Today I am in our satellite office, so the only access I have to all of my patient charts is via the iPad. As I grabbed it on my way out the door, my heart hit the floor. The cord, while it appeared from a distance to be plugged in, was just lying under the edge of the iPad. It wasn’t plugged in at all.
As I began my morning commute, I started thinking about what had just happened… and about my morning. My iPad which was supposed to “be there” for me, had failed. Why? Because I had failed to ensure that it was “plugged in” to its source of power.
What about me? Was I ready to serve today? In my tiredness and hurry I had neglected to start my day by turning to MY source of power. My job is not merely my job, it is my ministry. When I go about my day to day life, I am a representative of the KING! I am His ambassador. How do I find the strength and love to serve others? How do I find the patience, joy and peace to accurately represent my God and to show HIS unconditional love through my life? I do so by spending time in the Word, by getting “plugged in” to my source of strength or “power.”
I spent a good part of my commute meditating on the Word, and drawing from HIS power, begging God to give me strength to serve Him faithfully. At the end of my day, as I sat on the couch, catching up with some friends, and reviewing the events of the day, a message popped on my computer. I had been “tagged” on Facebook. Being the curious creature that I am, I meandered over to check it out. This is what I read. (With some personal stuff removed) “Had a good baby appointment today… My midwife always takes the time to answer my questions and concerns. She gives good, productive and meaningful insight. I can tell you, it’s drawn me closer to Him.”
That last sentence meant the WORLD to me. THAT is what my life, my job, my ‘ministry’ are all about. In MY weakness (and tiredness), HE was strong!
What about you? Are you “plugged in” to the ONE true source of strength? Have you met Him? It isn’t enough to be “near” Him… attending church without seeking a daily, intimate walk with Him is similar to the condition of my iPad this morning. It was close to the source of power. It even appeared to be “plugged in, but upon close observation, it was not connected to a power source.
“The LORD is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving.” Psalm 28:7
“For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Thoughts on the "waiting" mentality
Over the last week, multiple friends have sent me this link, and asked my opinion:
I have read it several times, but have not responded, as I wanted some time to put my thoughts in order.
My first impression: She nailed it!!! The author of this blog said, so much more beautifully than I ever could, exactly what I have been trying to say.
Since I embarked on this journey of coming to know my God, and to understand who I am IN HIM, I have learned so many truths. The blogger's remark, "I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here." is an accurate reflection of my heart over the last few years. It was this desperation to stop waiting and start living that caused me to embark on this journey in the first place. As I have focused on God, and all that He is to me, the "waiting mentality" just slipped away. I have found myself LIVING, and reveling in Him. I learned that it doesn't matter what a "couple's world" thinks of me as a single. I learned that it didn't matter what my family thought of me. I learned something that I knew in my head, but didn't truly believe in my heart... I learned that indeed, "I already have Him … and He is everything!!!"
My first impression: She nailed it!!! The author of this blog said, so much more beautifully than I ever could, exactly what I have been trying to say.
Since I embarked on this journey of coming to know my God, and to understand who I am IN HIM, I have learned so many truths. The blogger's remark, "I just didn’t want to wait anymore – didn’t want to live like I was waiting on anyone to get here." is an accurate reflection of my heart over the last few years. It was this desperation to stop waiting and start living that caused me to embark on this journey in the first place. As I have focused on God, and all that He is to me, the "waiting mentality" just slipped away. I have found myself LIVING, and reveling in Him. I learned that it doesn't matter what a "couple's world" thinks of me as a single. I learned that it didn't matter what my family thought of me. I learned something that I knew in my head, but didn't truly believe in my heart... I learned that indeed, "I already have Him … and He is everything!!!"
During this journey, for the first time, I came to understand that singleness is NOT a punishment of God. It is not given to me because I fall short, because I don't love HIM as I should, or I haven't learned to delight myself in Him. My singleness at this time is His loving gift to me. God is teaching me that HE loves me.
OK ladies, here's where the rubber meets the road. I am pretty sure that I'm not the only one who had thoughts like this... "Well, OF COURSE God loves me. He is love. That's who God is. Good grief! God loved Hitler, right? I mean... wouldn't we say that? He hated Hitler's actions, but is it not safe to say He loved Hitler? So.... God loves me. Big deal." I had this deep down feeling that my singleness meant that I was unlovely and unlovable. I truly believed that noone could love me, not my family, not my friends, and that even God only loved me because that is who He is.
I have finally come to believe in my heart that God loves ME. He has chosen to love me. I cannot tell you what a wonderful thing it was to come to truly understand and believe this. I am loved with an everlasting love. I REVEL in my newly understood standing in Him. HE LOVES ME!!! Do you believe that He loves you? Do you TRULY believe? When you do, you will come to see that His love is enough.
I have finally come to believe in my heart that God loves ME. He has chosen to love me. I cannot tell you what a wonderful thing it was to come to truly understand and believe this. I am loved with an everlasting love. I REVEL in my newly understood standing in Him. HE LOVES ME!!! Do you believe that He loves you? Do you TRULY believe? When you do, you will come to see that His love is enough.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Love...
After battling at length with the issues that I wished to share my heart on, I have decided that at this time, I lack the wisdom, grace and tact to approach them.
In the meantime, there have been plenty of events that gave me the "writing bug" but since these topics were weighing heavily on my mind, I thought "I can't write about that until I write the promised posts." I have decided it is time to move on. I will revisit said topics when I feel like I am ready, and the Lord gives me freedom to speak with the wisdom that is from above: first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. (James 3:17-18)
So, here are some random thoughts inspired during my drive to the chiropractor this morning.
I was listening to the radio, and heard a preacher speaking from the OT. He stated that "Sometimes, God allows enemies to remain in your life in order to teach you how to fight." The premise was valid, and the text and sermon were good, but it led my thinking down an entirely different path. I want to posit the theory that sometimes, God allows people to remain in your life to teach you how to love. It is easy to "love" someone when they love you back, when your acts of love, kindness or service to them are met with appreciation, affirmation or love. What about when, no matter how hard you try to show someone that you love them,you are rebuffed, scoffed at, or even viciously attacked? Does this give one the right to stop loving? Does it give one the right to respond in kind? What does the Bible say?
Matthew 5:38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE,AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ 39 “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40 “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. 41 “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. 42 “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ 44 “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even theGentiles do the same? 48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life forhis friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command.... 17 This is my command: Love each other. 18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
I Thessalonians 3:12 May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else...
I Thess 4:9 Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 10 And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers, to do so more and more. 11 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
I John 3:11 This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.
I John 3:23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
I John 4:11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
II John 5 And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. 6And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love
I Peter 1:13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.
You know what I DON'T see in these verses? I see no qualifiers such as "Love one another as long as the 'others' are lovable, or love you back." Or... "We ought to love those that love us." Or... "if you have tried for "x" amount of time, you can stop showing love. We are simply told to love, no matter how difficult, challenging ordiscouraging. We are to love. OUCH! Does my life truly reflect the love of Christ? Do people know that I am HIS because of my love for others? I think I have a long way to go!
In the meantime, there have been plenty of events that gave me the "writing bug" but since these topics were weighing heavily on my mind, I thought "I can't write about that until I write the promised posts." I have decided it is time to move on. I will revisit said topics when I feel like I am ready, and the Lord gives me freedom to speak with the wisdom that is from above: first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. (James 3:17-18)
So, here are some random thoughts inspired during my drive to the chiropractor this morning.
I was listening to the radio, and heard a preacher speaking from the OT. He stated that "Sometimes, God allows enemies to remain in your life in order to teach you how to fight." The premise was valid, and the text and sermon were good, but it led my thinking down an entirely different path. I want to posit the theory that sometimes, God allows people to remain in your life to teach you how to love. It is easy to "love" someone when they love you back, when your acts of love, kindness or service to them are met with appreciation, affirmation or love. What about when, no matter how hard you try to show someone that you love them,you are rebuffed, scoffed at, or even viciously attacked? Does this give one the right to stop loving? Does it give one the right to respond in kind? What does the Bible say?
Matthew 5:38 “You have heard that it was said, ‘AN EYE FOR AN EYE,AND A TOOTH FOR A TOOTH.’ 39 “But I say to you, do not resist an evil person; but whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also. 40 “If anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, let him have your coat also. 41 “Whoever forces you to go one mile, go with him two. 42 “Give to him who asks of you, and do not turn away from him who wants to borrow from you. 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.’ 44 “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46“For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? 47 “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even theGentiles do the same? 48 “Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
John 15:12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life forhis friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command.... 17 This is my command: Love each other. 18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.
John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."
I Thessalonians 3:12 May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else...
I Thess 4:9 Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. 10 And in fact, you do love all the brothers throughout Macedonia. Yet we urge you, brothers, to do so more and more. 11 Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, 12 so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
I John 3:11 This is the message you heard from the beginning: We should love one another.
I John 3:23 And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.
I John 4:11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
II John 5 And now, dear lady, I am not writing you a new command but one we have had from the beginning. I ask that we love one another. 6And this is love: that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love
I Peter 1:13 Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. 14 As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. 15 But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; 16 for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”22 Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart. 23 For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God.
You know what I DON'T see in these verses? I see no qualifiers such as "Love one another as long as the 'others' are lovable, or love you back." Or... "We ought to love those that love us." Or... "if you have tried for "x" amount of time, you can stop showing love. We are simply told to love, no matter how difficult, challenging ordiscouraging. We are to love. OUCH! Does my life truly reflect the love of Christ? Do people know that I am HIS because of my love for others? I think I have a long way to go!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Holding back...
I have been holding back on writing lately because I have been concerned about the reactions and assumptions that my next few posts will elicit. So... Allow me first to say this. This blog is merely a recounting of God's loving and gracious work in my heart. It is not in any way intended to judge or criticize others. I am merely stating MY story. Also, keep in mind that while we absolutely ARE shaped by our environment, there are other factors. The "blame" does not all lay with our environment, but also with the filters through which we process the things that are in our environment. Our personalities and mental hang ups, our perception of reality, our own sin nature, our disbelief, perfectionistic tendencies, OCD, ADD, whatever... all combine to form the "filter" through which we process how we view God, and how we view ourselves.
This is a statement about ME, about my perceptions, my "realities" and how a loving God is working in my life to reveal Himself for who He really is.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
I am a Failure!
But thank God, HE is faithful!!!
One of the biggest things that I dislike about myself is the constant battle for consistency. Why is it so difficult to live a life of consistently seeking God and His heart? Why does it seem to be so much easier to "obsess" over earthly things, and so difficult to keep God as the center of our focus, and our obsession? (Whether we are talking material things, relationships, jobs, hobbies... We each have our own personal obsession.)
Over the years, I've read several books concerning this very topic. Some of my favorites have been:
"Simplify Your Spiritual Life: Spiritual Disciplines for the Overwhelmed" ~Donald Whitney
"Desiring God" ~ John Piper
"A Hunger for God" ~ John Piper
"When I Don't Desire God: How to Fight for Joy" ~ John Piper
"Stepping Heavenward" ~ Elizabeth Prentiss
The one thing that helped me the most in this ongoing battle however, is Psalm 119. I have come to identify with, and deeply love this Psalm.
Quite a few years ago, my pastor announced that we were going to do a miniseries through Psalm 119 entitled "Walking the Way of the Word" It revolutionized my thinking. Pastor Minnick encouraged us to think of the Psalm as a record, a "diary" of sorts of the Psalmist's journey in his relationship with God. This Psalm has since brought much comfort and blessing to my life.
I don't know about you, but I find that my life seems to be a cycle... A time of seeking God's face, soul searching, and deep communion with God, followed by a dry spell that leaves me wondering if I will ever truly know the presence of God in my life, and struggling to find purpose. In desperation, I begin once again to seek God's face, and the cycle begins all over again. I thought it was just me... that I was the only one that struggled with such lack of consistency in my Christian life and walk. Then, Pastor Minnick introduced me to the Psalmist...
Here are just a few notes from this miniseries.
Psalm 119: 1-24 A vision and desire.
David begins with looking at those who are blameless and walk in the law of the Lord and seek Him with their whole heart. He follows this with "Oh that my ways may be established to keep your statues!" What a wonderful heart's cry!!! How often has my own heart cried out to God for such a passion. This is followed by a description of how one can keep his way pure... walking the way of the word. Then comes a part that I LOVE, because it gives me hope! (As an aside, v 11 gives us a remedy against sin: God's Word. "Thy word I have treasured in my heart, that I might not sin against You."
Psalm 119:25-32 Frustration with self and inconsistencies.
"My soul cleaves to the dust. Revive me according to Your Word...
Psalm 119: 33-40 A Plea For Enabling.
He is begging God to do a work in his heart.
Revive me...
Teach me...
Make me understand...
Strengthen me...
Remove the false way from me...
Make me walk in Your way...
Incline my heart, establish Your word....
Revive me, Revive me, Revive me. This is repeated over and over though the Psalm
Psalm 119: 41-48 A summary of need and desire.
He asks for a fuller measure of salvation in order that he would have:
1) an irrefutable witness v 42
2) anticipated consistency v 44 (My heart LONGS for consistency!!!)
Psalm 119: 49-64 Experiencing that fuller measure of salvation.
In verses 25, 37 and 40 the psalmist begged, "Revive me!!!" In vs 50 that revival has come, but... interesting fact ... With that revival came affliction. Or maybe... through affliction came revival.
vs 50 " This is my comfort in my affliction, that Your Word has revived me."
vs 67 "Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep Your Word."
vs 71 "It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statues."
vs 75 "I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are righteous, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me...." In faithfulness, You have afflicted me...
Do I see affliction as God's faithfulness to me? Do I understand that it is for my good? Do I truly believe that EVERYTHING that comes through the hand of my Father is allowed for good... in order to conform me to the image of His Son?
This cycle continues... in verses 81-88 the psalmist is once again expressing frustration and longing, and pleading with God for revival.
Beginning in vs 97 we see the results of the psalmist "Walking the way of the Word" followed by how these results were obtained:
I love Your law... It is my meditation
Your commandments make me wiser... because I make them mine
I have insight... because Your testimonies are my meditation
I understand more than the aged... because I have observed Your precepts
I have restrained my feet from evil... In order to keep Your Word
I have not turned aside... Because You have taught me
I get understanding... I hate every false way
I am not going to continue through the psalm, but if you read it, the cycle continues...
"Your word is a lamp to my feet and light to my path" (What a wonderful place to be!)
Followed by a continued description of life as he is living and yearning for God, and his pleas for enabling, strengthening, reviving, teaching...
So... when I am struggling with a lack of consistency... when I am struggling to find once again that deep passion, and obsession for God, I find myself turning back to the Psalms. This is not a new struggle...
So why this struggle? Well, it is my sinful nature. I am a fallen being living in a fallen world. My bent is toward sinning and exerting my own will and desires in my life. Also... There is this, and I heard it so eloquently quoted this last week, that I am not even going to attempt to rephrase it. Here is a quote by Max Lucado that I do believe sums it up beautifully.
"[The Devil] is an expert at robbing the "sparkle" and replacing it with the drab... ... He won't steal your salvation. He will just make you forget what it is like to be lost. You will grow accustomed to prayer and not pray. Worship will become commonplace and study will become "optional." With the passing of time, He will infiltrate your heart with boredom and cover the cross with dust so that you will be safely out of the reach of change." ~ Max Lucado.
That feeling of complacency is what keeps us from being used of God. So... if he can't take our salvation, he is going to try to keep us from being on fire for God, from loving Him supremely and allowing ourselves to be used of Him. This is the prayer of my heart:
I’ve a yearning in my heart that cannot be denied
It’s a longing that has never yet been satisfied
I want this world to know, the one who loves them so
Like a flame its burning deep down inside
To be used of God to sing, to speak, to pray
To be used of God to show someone the way
I long so much to feel the touch of His consuming fire
To be used of God is my desire
When I think about the shortness of my earthly years
I remember all the wasted days, the wasted tears
I long to teach the word to those who've never heard
Of the one who can dispel all fears
To be used of God to sing, to speak, to pray
To be used of God to show someone the way
I long so much to feel the touch of His consuming fire
To be used of God is my desire
It’s a longing that has never yet been satisfied
I want this world to know, the one who loves them so
Like a flame its burning deep down inside
To be used of God to sing, to speak, to pray
To be used of God to show someone the way
I long so much to feel the touch of His consuming fire
To be used of God is my desire
When I think about the shortness of my earthly years
I remember all the wasted days, the wasted tears
I long to teach the word to those who've never heard
Of the one who can dispel all fears
To be used of God to sing, to speak, to pray
To be used of God to show someone the way
I long so much to feel the touch of His consuming fire
To be used of God is my desire
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